When I was in graduate school, I had the honor of doing my internship with a school counselor that I greatly admire. We are opposites in many ways, especially with his being a major extrovert and my being a textbook introvert. One of the greatest words of wisdom he gave me was the following:
Man Plans, God Laughs.
It’s along the lines of saying, “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” That is also a great piece of wisdom, and I keep these little tidbits tucked away for times like these. Somehow, they prevent me from being angry. I allow myself to be sad and to cry sometimes, but I rarely see any purpose in being angry.
If you talked to me a month ago and asked me what my plans for spring break were, I would probably have said, “omgosh, I’m going to get so much done! I’m going to work in my yard and plant things, maybe paint some rooms, dig massive shrubs up, and be constantly moving hundreds of pounds. Then, I’m going to see the Ansel Adams exhibit at the NC museum of art, maybe take a ride to IKEA, and eat drink and be merry everyday!”
The reality is that I had surgery on Thursday. I knew I’d be having it but we scheduled it at the last minute so I could use spring break to recover. So I had 2.5 days to prepare. Today, Sunday, is the first day I’m starting to really feel like myself again. But I can’t drive. I can’t lift cereal bowls comfortably. I get tired after walking around my house for a little while. I went to target with my mom yesterday and I couldn’t wait to get the hell out so I could lay down.
I’m going to have to push all those spring break plans back a few weeks now. My plans have been modified to include completing the 13 Reasons Why binge that I started last night. Then I want to watch The Get Down. I might even catch up on Steven Universe, but let’s not get too crazy, ya heard?
Spring break was the first thing God laughed at. The second thing he’s rofl-ing at are my finances. You know, the strict budget I’ve put myself on so I can be out of debt and travel the world? LOL.
I don’t know the exact amount yet, but according to discussions with the hospital I will owe thousands of dollars. And I have insurance. I’m glad I’m not sick and that we know what’s up but now I have to pay for every needle, wire, probe, and knife that’s touched my body over the past 3 weeks. I was legit like a human pincushion for a while there. I was alternating arms so my veins could rest.
Over the next month I’m ready for the bills to come in. I could easily get angry. I’m a little angry, to be honest, but I can’t do anything about it. I think the Serenity Prayer is one of the greatest prayers because it’s correct. I have to accept the things I cannot change. I cannot call the hospital and be like, “hey sorry I can’t afford to pay you back so you’re just gonna have to take a loss k bye.” I can’t drop off the face of the earth. My only option is to do what I can with what I have and postpone the big dreams.
Isn’t that what happened at the beginning of Up? Life kept happening and they kept having to postpone their dream vacation? I think that’s why it’s the saddest 10 minutes in movie history… who on this earth cannot relate to that feeling? Then it’s too late, and that’s when your heart and tear ducts cannot take it.
Sadly, I’ll be doing a lot less decorating and projects because I’ll be making it rain money over at that hospital. And after living here for almost 2 years, there is so much that I want to accomplish. I know now how I want it to look and I’m ready for the big demos. But alas, I have to wait. God is having a good time laughing at me. Hopefully he’ll have had enough sooner than later and I can resume my life, as planned.