I had a moment today where I thought to myself, “When it rains it pours, doesn’t it?” If you’re an adult, you’ve probably had this type of moment a number of times. It’s like the universe decided you didn’t have enough weighing on your soul, so they threw a few extra things in for good measure.
Well, I am not the type to run from a challenge. I’ve dealt with a lot of shit in my life and these 3 current problems pale in comparison to the other stuff.
Problem #1: My Plumbing (still, always and forever)
My plumbing issues have grown (read: here, and here). It’s time that I finally shell out the money to fix them. That’s how an adult uses their Christmas money, I reckon. But it was so fun the other day when I got out of the shower and flushed the toilet (which I always do after I shower so the water doesn’t get cold okay?) and the water quickly rose and overflowed EVERYWHERE! Then, in the amount of time it took me to decide I’ll deal with this after I brush my teeth, the water slowly drained and the toilet was completely empty! A few hours later, it worked just fine… until the next time I took a shower and it drained while the shower drained. I just did my dishes in the kitchen and the toilet was making air bubbles. This is a time that I highly recommend having more than 1 toilet, even if you’re 1 person.
What is the problem? Can I fix it on my own? I headed to the internet and after rephrasing my search, I finally found an answer. I don’t think it’s any surprise that there is a blockage somewhere. This is an amazing explanation of what the problem is, with a diagram and everything. At the end of the day, I need a professional to fix this problem, which will hopefully solve the mystery of “why does my dishwasher smell so bad?”
This is literally what is happening.
Problem #2: An Error in Adulting
Almost 3 years ago I woke up one Saturday and decided it was time to get a new car. “I’m not going to get anything today,” I said. I meant this, until I was offered an amazing deal from Volkswagen. I knew if I didn’t take it, I would regret it, so I signed a lease without really considering what would happen in 3 years. “I’ll save the money for another downpayment!” I thought. L.O.L. I bought a house during that time, installed a new HVAC, and made a few other questionable financial decisions. My downpayment is $0.
The LITERAL day after Christmas I get a call from the dealership wanting to know what I wanted to do. I called back a week later and said, “I want to do the cheapest thing.” This afternoon, the gentleman worked very hard to convince me to lease a 2017 Jetta. I have to give him props because I know he was just doing his job. After a while though, I looked at him and said, “This is all very nice, but at the end of the day it’s going to come down to price. I don’t want to pay more than I’m paying now.”
He was really feelin himself when he showed me the numbers of a new lease vs. financing the remaining balance on my current lease. I looked at the numbers, looked at him, and said, “Nope. These don’t work for me.” He looked surprised for some reason, which I don’t understand because these numbers were $75-$100 MORE than what I’m paying now, after putting down the imaginary $2,000 downpayment I’ve saved up.
I have until April to find a used car within my budget. I had the same budget when I was a senior in high school. What am I going to do about it, you wonder? Since I’m trying to minimize my life, I’m going to stick within my tiny budget and find something decent, even if the car makes me look like a nerd.
Problem #3: The End of a Friendship
One irony about me is that when I’m counseling people that are having friendship/relationship issues, I think I’m pretty damn good at it. However, when it comes to me having these issues, I’m the absolute worst. I can’t let things go. I ruminate on them. I look for every single angle and every single “what if” and beat myself up, even if I know it wasn’t my fault. I’ll create scenarios in my head that make it hard for me to go certain places. I try to run away. Like, I currently feel that because of this devastating blow I’m going to relocate to Texas with my friend. He doesn’t know that we’re going to be roommates.
Losing a friendship isn’t as concrete as a plumbing or financial issue. The two problems above have such simple fixes, even though they are costly: call a plumber, and find a car somewhere. Those are up to me to do, and only me. When there’s a break in a relationship there is more than one person involved, and both parties have feelings. I have a tendency to get dramatic and say things like, “I never want to see you again” but then wonder why I haven’t heard from them. I know how I’m feeling, but I imagine the other person is somewhere on a scale from “giving zero shits” to “feeling like shit but believing I don’t want to hear from them.” So I do passive aggressive things, like, post memes and Brand New lyrics, and block and unblock them.
You know what I would tell my students? I would tell them not to do any of that because its petty. I would tell them just to talk to the person, and that if they truly cared about you and the friendship that they would listen. Write them a note. Let’s call them up to my office and talk together. Sadly, as an adult I don’t have those options. I feel like note-writing loses its charm after college. And no one is going to do conflict resolution with me and a 30-year-old.
So…. in this situation, I honestly don’t know what to do. Beyond what I have been doing, which is listen to Beyonce and Brand New. Help?