I realize that, as far as my WordPress account goes, I have completely dropped off the face of the earth. If my memory serves me correctly, the last time I posted was in January of 2016. We are now coming up on the end of August.
A lot has gone on during that time. I finished a school year, and another one is getting ready to start. I lost a lot of weight, and gained it all (and then some) back. I went from feeling amazing and unstoppable, to being in a major funk. I took the leap to become a LuLaRoe consultant. I made a list of plans of things to accomplish over the summer. I went through 2 lawn mowers.
Unfortunately, my major funk was like a cloud hovering over my head throughout all of this. So in a moment of honesty, I just want to remind anyone reading this that even if someone seems happy on the outside, that happiness is not always a reflection of how they’re feeling on the inside. Depression and anxiety is something I’ve always struggled with, but never to this extent. I’ve always been great at covering it up and pretending its not there, but I lost the ability to do that this summer. I’ve sought help, though, and I’m taking things one day at a time to get back on track. No one would ever choose to feel this way all the time. Writing an entry in my blog is one of my steps in the right direction because writing and sharing my home owning adventures is something I truly enjoy, but was lost in the funk.
Something else that I’m sad was lost in the funk was my big plans for my yard. I wanted to do a lot of major landscaping work. I wanted to create flower beds, a veggie garden, plant flowering shrubs, plant crepe myrtles, and just get what could be an amazing space started. I did…… none of that. My herbs are neglected and dying. I dug up the hostas and liriopes that I don’t like, but now they’re just weed filled holes in the ground. Neither of the roses that I planted took and both died. The pebble garden I planted around my mailbox is hidden beneath overgrown weeds and crabgrass. Pretty much everything is hidden underneath weeds and crabgrass.
When I go for walks around my neighborhood, I always take in what my neighbors are doing with their yards. I don’t need to do anything spectacular. I just want something that people look at and think, “now that looks nice.” I have the opposite of that right now. In my opinion, my yard is embarrassing. I hired someone today to mow my lawn, since I don’t have a functional lawn mower at the moment, and she also did the edges. It already looks much better than it did 24 hours ago.
Since summer is winding down, and the weather will hopefully be cooling off soon, my goal for the next few weekends is to make up for what I didn’t do over the summer. I’m going to finish digging up the things I don’t want. I might hire someone to take out the bushes I don’t want that are too big for me to dig up. That way, when next spring rolls around, I’ll be ready to put things in the ground. Peonies, lilacs, hydrangeas, camellias, flowers.
I have more goals than just that, though. They may not seem like a lot, but goals are more attainable if you set smaller ones. I want to start working out again and eating healthy. I want to get back on the 21 Day Fix and drinking the Shakeology. My goal would be to workout in some fashion 5 days a week. I want to finish redoing the wood paneled room, which is now my LuLaRoe office. I started in June, and then just stopped. All I have left to do is the accent wall, painting the built-in bookshelf, and painting the window. My goal is to complete that by Thanksgiving break. I want to feel better, so the steps I’m going to have to take to do that is continuing on my medication, finding someone to talk to on the reg, and not giving in when the funk says I’m tired and to go lay down. My goal is 0 naps per week.
I also plan on keeping up with this here blog, too. So thanks for reading, and I’ll talk to you all again soon.